on racism

It’s not enough that I cry after reading Barak Obama’s speech on creating a more perfect union in this country. It’s not enough that I danced last night with my black boyfriend’s 88-year old black grandfather at a black fraternity scholarship ball. It’s not enough that I believe in racial equality. It’s not enough. I am just one white woman who grew up mostly in the Midwest, surrounded by prejudice and bias, whose parents preached that all men were created equal in God’s eyes but discouraged my fledgling romances with the Caribbean boys of Nevis because they were from a different background, who thought that Michael Jordan was hot "for a black man." I’m a white woman who has come to learn that the only thing that separates one race from the next is our ignorance of each other, our unwillingness to explore and accept each other’s distinct peculiarities of color and attitude, our unwillingness to see the beauty in all creatures. I am not enough to change the world. But I know I am not the only one. Imagine.

I will vote for Obama. I will be intolerant of intolerance. I will have babies with a black man.

my love

My love for you is like the grasses swaying in the wind,

like the wind soughing in the pines,

like the pines laden with their fruit,

the harvest of autumn,

the deep snows of winter,

the downpours of spring,

and the blue skies of summer.

It is all seasons and everything in this earth.

the unbearable lightness of being

milan, forgive me the encroachment into your territory!  I AM unbearably light these days and, though I remember nothing from that story but the title, I am still inspired by the thought of being unbearably light!  Perhaps I shall read it again.  Perhaps not.

... secret confession ... 

I am sitting on my sofa (the couch, i guess, if you're from somewhere other than the Midwest), enjoying the late afternoon light and silence (muted noise, really).  I confess I have a secret.  But I cannot reveal it until August.  eeeK!  Today has been the most delicious day!  I have taken care of lots of small, nagging personal items (my 401k rollover earning 2.05% over 10 years????) and still managed to be productive in work.  I have connected with humankind and yet managed to remain separate and distinct.  

I read an interview of Eckhart Tolle in O (I love Oprah magazine!), the May 2008 issue.  People!  Buy his book!  Follow this man's thoughts!  The article in O is a minefield of explosive truths.  I can't even imagine what I'll find in his books.  An excerpt . . . 

OPRAH:  "In the beginning of The Power of Now, you describe how, at 29 years old and considering suicide, you thought, "I cannot live with myself any longer .... Then suddenly I became aware of what a peculiar thought it was.  Am I one or two?  If I cannot live with myself, there must be two of me: the 'I' and the 'self' that 'I' cannot live with.  Maybe ... only one of them is "real."  I love this because it's the first time I thought, When I say I'm going to tell myself something, who is the "I" and who is the "self" I'm telling?  That's the fundamental question, isn't it?

ECKHART:  That's right.  Most people are not aware that they have a little man or woman in their heads that keeps talking and talking and whom they are completely identified with.  In my case, and in many people's cases, the voice in the head is a predominantly unhappy one, so there's an enormous amount of negativity that is continuously generated by this unconscious internal dialogue.  

OPRAH:  What happened that enabled you to realize this?

ECKHART:  One night, at the moment you were referring to, a separation occurred between the voice that was the incessant stream of thinking and the sense of self that identified with that voice, and a deeper sense of self that I later recognized as consciousness itself, rather than something that consciousness had become through thinking. 

OPRAH:  When you realized that the voice in your head was separate from the awareness, did it blow your mind? 

ECKHART:  Yes, it did.  I didn't understand it; I just realized the next day that I was suddenly at peace.  There was a deep sense of inner calm, although externally nothing had changed, so I knew something drastic had happened.  A while after this transformation, I was talking to a Buddhist monk who said that Zen is very simple: You don't rely on thought anymore; you go beyond thinking.  Then I realized that's what had happened.  All that unhappy, repetitive thinking wasn't there anymore.  

OPRAH:  Where does our identification with these thoughts and this voice in our heads come from?

ECKHART:  That identification that is derived from our thinking - which includes all of one's memories, one's conditioning, and one's sense of self - is a conceptual one that is derived from the past.  It's essential for people to recognize that this voice is going on inside them incessantly, and it's always a breakthrough when people realize, Here are all my habitual, repetitive, negative thoughts, and here I am, knowing that these thoughts are going through my head.  The identification is suddenly broken. That, for many people, is the first real spiritual breakthrough.

I could copy the whole article!  It's divine.  But, for simplicity ... I am not my thoughts.  Don't believe everything you think. Deeeee lish uss!

 

third time's a charm?

I think this blog will "take" one of these days!  so far, it's once a month for me!  

I'm sitting alone in my apartment on a Saturday night (don't cry for me, America, the truth is ... I love it!) after a week of hosting two of my favorite people in this world, Lisa Skye and Elijah Selby.  I LOVE HAVING GUESTS!!!!  There is nothing better than sharing your space with people you love!  

Thank you, lovely ladies, for being in my space and sharing yourselves with me!

too busy with my fab life to write another blog

okay, that's just crap.  the reality is . . . I am easily inspired but lack the initiative to continue.  I'm a one-hit blog wonder.  I AM busy, it's true.  And when I have free time, I'm usually relaxin' or hangin' with friends or sleeping.  (If I have to choose between blog or sleep . . . sleep wins every time. Except when Aquifer Drilling, Inc is outside my window.  Literally.  They are parked on the sidewalk outside my window, making loud noises for the 3rd night in a row. Now I am ALL about the blog. I would like to go to sleep, but I can't. And 311 is worthless.  they will send someone out in the next 5 days.)

I've been living alone now (without Bryon, who's in Florida until the end of August) for about 6/7 weeks. I am finding my space in this life.  There's such great freedom in a day when you don't have to be concerned about anyone's schedule but your own.  Don't misinterpret!  I miss my man terribly!!!!  The lesson to be learned here is that you cannot please anyone but YOU. I've always jokingly said I am the center of the universe and everything revolves around me. Well, it's TRUE!!!  If you think of your SELF and your perspective, then you know that you ARE the center of your universe and everything DOES revolve around you.  Just don't let it go to your head!  ;)  More importantly, don't forget who you are.

Inspiration

My friend, Lisa Skye, is traveling around the world (Mexico, South America, London, Africa . . . ) for an indefinite period of time and she is logging her experiences and feelings through a blog.  It's been so much fun to "travel" with her. Her posts have been such a great way to keep in touch and I almost feel like I'm there with her - I can hear her voice describing her adventures, her inflections, and I feel very present in her life.  I am inspired, touched and moved and I want to share who I am with my people.

So, for all you who know me (or think you do), here's a chance to be part of my life, day-to-day, up and down, good and bad.  I don't know if I'll keep up with it - this could be just a passing fancy and I'll end up making one or two entries a month.  WHO KNOWS????  Or, I'll find that this accomplishes for me the one thing that I can never seem to get right:  how to stay connected with the people I love in my life.  I mean, if I have to tell the same story to 8 different people every week . . . well, you know exactly what I'm talking about.  It's HARD to stay connected!  Especially when you're someone who likes a lot of "down" time.  I get rejuvenated by hanging out in my apartment solo and doing non-essential things.  Like rearranging the furniture.  Or making a list of what I'm going to do tomorrow (maybe).  Or just looking up interesting things on the web.  Like what I'm doing right now.

Let me start by telling you about THIS day . . . woke up, got outta bed, dragged a comb across my head. ;)  I have been approaching work with a very relaxed attitude these past 5 or 6 months.  I mean, life is for living, not working 60 hours a week in some mind-numbing job that has never brought you more than a bit of fun and some green paper.  In order to do this successfully (i.e., without going bankrupt or starving), one must first believe that everything works out in the end.  Everything that happens is for my benefit. I will be taken care of.  

I woke up this morning after a delicious 8 hours of sleep, had some coffee, checked my emails and decided I would go roller blading for my morning exercise.  Well, I couldn't find my protective gear, so I borrowed Bryon's.  His wrist guards fit, but not the elbow or knee pads and I thought to myself, "I'll be fine.  I haven't fallen since the very first time.  I'll find them the next time."  I had made one successful loop around Prospect Park without incident and was weighing whether or not I had time for another loop.  What the hell!  Work can wait!  This is an investment in me!  Yep. You probably already know where this is going.  I was really gliding along, feeling like one of those cross country athletes who does in-line skating in the summer months and ... BAM! ... I lose my balance and go down hard! ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? Thankfully, I'm just a little bruised and scraped and, at that point, feeling like a 6-year old.  :(  stupid! stupid! stupid!

I finish the loop ('cuz I'm a bad ass chick), pick myself up off the ground and get back in the game and swear I will never leave the house unprotected again.

I finally leave for work at noon and I run into the super, Arthur Forde, on my way out the door. He's Caribbean, 65, and still has that beautiful, lilting, island speech from his youth.  He retires this year and is going to his home in Barbados.  I'm invited.  ;)  You can tell he was quite the ladies' man and has often said, "if only I were 20 years younger . . . "  But, today, he says to me, "you're rich.  I know you have $300,000 in the bank and investments all over the city."  hmmm.  Yes, I am rich.  But not like that.  I live rich.  Why wait until I'm 65 to enjoy all that life has to offer?  As my favorite movie quote says, "You either get busy livin' or get busy dyin'."  

here's to living . . .